At last night's alumni meeting, we found out that one of my daughter's friends was going back to rehab that night. We don't know exactly what happened but I knew from what my daughter had told me about this young man, that even though he was sober, he was struggling. He attended the alumni meetings but was refusing to do any other AA/NA work, including getting a sponsor.
I didn't realize until last night who this young man's mother was, a single mom I had seen several times in the parents' support meeting. She was very frustrated and angry about her son's addiction and refusal to do as he was told. I had heard people telling her in meetings that she needed to go to Al-Anon (support for family and friends of alcoholics/addicts) but as far as I know, she hadn't gone.
And then I put two and two together. Her life is out-of-control from trying to control her son and the adddiction (see my posting about Step One). She needs to learn to disengage with love, a key principle of Al-Anon. By going to meetings, getting a sponsor, and working the steps, she sets an example for her son, which will make him more likely to work the program.
The Twelve Steps isn't just a program; it is its own country. It has its own language, philosophies, culture. If you love an addict who is in Twelve Step recovery, you have to move with them and live in this new land of sober living. Learn the language. Embrace the culture.
One of the parents said to me last night, "My son didn't 'get it' until he went through rehab twice. Maybe this time it will work for [this young man]." I can't help but hope that his mother will continue coming to the support group while her son is away from home and that she will 'get it' this time too.
No comments:
Post a Comment